


Just Do It

by cherrypinup



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: First Time, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2016-10-28
Packaged: 2018-08-27 10:49:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8398735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrypinup/pseuds/cherrypinup
Summary: Spike and Xander get what they think they want, or do they?Written in April 2001





	

**Author's Note:**

> Not Beta'd. I tried the accent, not sure if it works. If you find any glaring errors, please point 'em out to me.
> 
> Pretty version here: [Just Do It](http://slashcity.org/nakedflame/fic/buffy/doit.htm)

April 25, 1:00 A.M.

"Just do it already, will you? Bloody ponce!"

Spike looked over his shoulder with utter confusion. He'd know the voice anywhere, seeing as it was his.

"What the...listen here, you, you, whatever you are. There'll be none of that. And what the fuck are you? Can't be me? I think I'd bloody well know, so... Where'd you come from? There was no one here!" Spike rambled, while he stumbled backward away from what could only be a hallucination.

The thing looked like the Big Bad, himself. Oh, there were differences. Like say for instance, he wouldn't be caught alive in that shirt. Looked like something that belonged to the Whelp. Just the thought caused pain to ripple from his unbeating heart. Course, if it was a hallucination, just what did it say about him that he's seeing himself in Xander's clothing.

Once his back hit the wall, he just slid down, hitting his ass on the stone floor with a thump he didn't feel. Everything at the moment was starting to gray out and seemed to fragment around his eyes and ears. There had been too many emotional ups and downs in the last couple of days to even contemplate.

"I must be going daft as Dru," he muttered to himself.

The other Spike gave him a smirk before squatting down in front of the gibbering vamp.

"You're not daft, ya poor bugger. Just need to think about what you're doing before jumpin' in and screwin' up what's left of our, admittedly pathetic unlife. I admit thinking's not a particularly strong point for us but..." He sighs.

Sitting with a numb butt and staring dumbly at his own image, Spike lost it. Alternating between crying and laughing, he just looked like a teary, hiccuping, completely miserable wreck.

* * *

April 23, 11:59 P.M.

"'Ello, pet. Mind telling me what you're doing on my doorstep?" Spike sauntered past the obviously inebriated Scooby and into his crypt. On his way by, he grabbed a bottle of Mike's Hard Lemonade from the case the whelp was leaning against, noting the dozen or so empties.

"'Avin' a party, luv? Or were you planning on being a nice warm din-din for some freshly made minion?"

"Bufffffffster alr'dy busted...dusted 'em. Thanx. What're you doin' here?" Xander leaned back to peer at Spike through glazed, bloodshot eyes. Unfortunately, he didn't stop leaning and would have slammed his head against the stone door if Spike hadn't grabbed the nearest available hand and yanked.

"Your visitin' me, pet," Spike said as he slung the wobbly man's arm around his shoulder and hauled him to his feet. Once he got Xander plopped onto his chair, he went back to retrieve the rest of the alcohol and shut the door.

* * *

Most of the drinks went by while Spike tried to grasp what Xander was trying to say. He knew the boy wouldn't be spilling his guts this way if it weren't for the half-case he'd consumed. With all the mumbling and talking he was doing, Xander didn't seem to notice that he'd had the same drink in his hand since entering the crypt over two hours ago. He either didn't remember why he was here or didn't deem it worth explaining. He wasn't too shy about what had happened before coming though.

"They all just blew it off!" Xander bellowed loud enough...okay maybe not loud enough to wake the dead.

Well, well, well. It appears the Scooby's have screwed up again. Not that it 's really a surprise. Ever since the ex-demon-bitch hooked up with Binty's ex, they'd been treating the most devoted of them like white trash.

"I mean, it's not like I expected a clown or a party, but I'm finally legal and they're too busy to join me for a drink! Jeeze!" Xander hung his head. "Why do I even hang around here? I know they blame me 'cause I couldn't keep Anya happy, but they don't know what it was like. I thought she'd be into it, too. She was exciting enough in the sac, but you try to throw in a little role-playing and toys and suddenly you're the perv!"

"It's not like she wouldn't know that everyone's got those leanings. She herself had a few "spell casting" sessions with Wills and Tara. I mean, I'd given her permission as long as she told me about it afterwards. It never seemed to bother them that she was supposed to be taken. So, yeah, maybe I mention my friends name a few times. I didn't say I wanted to have sex with him. I didn't!" He looked to Spike for confirmation and got a slow nod.

Spike tried not to look like he was too interested. Truth was, he'd go for a little play and toys if the boy, no, man asked. In a silent heartbeat. Ever since the "slayer" walked away, with his feelings laid bare, he'd taken more notice of the ones he'd ignored before.

Xander was the only one who he could see as worth spending his time on. The poor guy was just oblivious enough to his own attraction that he didn't notice the longing Spike had known was showing on his face from time to time. Sometimes it was good that the whole lot of 'em were so self-absorbed. At least they wouldn't notice either.

Spike watched Xander peel the black and yellow label off the bottle. He seemed completely unaware of who he was speaking to. "He's, like, the only guy I hang out with, aside from the G-Man, and that's just ewww, so who else am I supposed to talk about."

Spike tried to think of any men that Xander hung out with, but was coming up blank. Unless, of course, he counted himself.

"She gets so jealous if I talk about the girls and now the boys too I guess. I just wanted to know what it was like, ya know? I've tried to do it myself, and yes the prostate is a wonderful thing, I just figured turnabout is fair play. I had to wear that soft sweater and perfume those couple of times just so she could experience. Course, that was before she'd tried the real thing."

Xander stopped here and took a long pull on his bottle, only to spew the foul, warm drink across the room. The range he achieved was truly amazing and no one was more surprised than a now wet Spike.

"Oh, god! Um, shit. I'm sorry. Let me help you with that." Xander insisted while melting off the chair and crawling his way to the stunned vampire sitting on the floor.

In his drunken cluelessness, Xander knocked Spike onto his back while trying, and actually succeeding, to pull his arms out of the duster. He climbed up the body of the now prone man. Next he pulled up the T-shirt, only to stop with it under Spike's arm-pits.

In awe, he slowly traced the center of Spikes chest with his fingernail while his tongue snaked out to lick his upper lip. Spike watched Xander's chest rise and fall with increasing speed as his eyes dilated, completely fascinated. He lay there, unmoving as the warm hands spread across his chest, ending with a sharp pinch to his left nipple.

A slow trickle of sweat moved down Xander's temple while the blush that had started with the alcohol began to spread down his neck. With a groan, Spike lifted his trembling hands under Xander's arms to his shoulders and pulled the warm body flush against his own. The hands then slid down to hold their hips together while his tongue snaked out to lick the salty moisture then followed a trail to the corner of the oh-so-soft-and-tempting lips.

Spike felt a pain blossom in his chest when he felt Xander freeze and move a bit away. Then he was being clutched while the mouth he'd been admiring latched onto his own. He tentatively pushed his hips up only to be thrust back to the floor under the force of the other man's response.

Since Xander seemed past the point of doing it, Spike pushed his hands between their bodies to get at the closings on both of their pants. Once they were undone, he pushed both down just enough to free the two erections. The rest would come later, but for now they were too close to the edge.

With a last memory of what Xander had been talking about, Spike quickly sucked two fingers into his mouth to wet them. The then reached down the back of Xander's pants to circle his anus before carefully pushing first one, then the second in.

Xander arched his back hard then pushed onto the hand inside him. Spike scissored his fingers looking for the gland he knew to be there. There was no question when he found the right spot. The muscle around his fingers tightened and the thrusting moved to almost superhuman speed.

Within two minutes, Xander came on Spike. The hot pulses across his cock were almost enough. With a growl, Spike flipped them over so Xander was on his back on the duster and gave himself over to the desperation. With three hard thrusts, he bit through his own arm as his come shot out onto the sated man.

* * *

When Spike woke the next morning, it was to find himself on the floor of his crypt covered in semen. The smile that spread on his lips only faltered when he realized he was alone. From the feel of it, Xander had left within the last ten minutes.

He spent the day pacing the floor, hating the fact that he was effectively imprisoned until the sun set. If he knew for sure where the whelp...Xander... his lover (that thought gave him pause) was, he might just brave it. Since he didn't want to ruin what just might be the beginning of a beautiful relationship by becoming one with the dust bunnies, the pacing would have to be it for action. That didn't stop him from planning, though.

Once the sun only had about an hour left, he started getting dressed. First thing was to take out one of the backup jackets, one of the short ones. The duster'd have to go in for a cleaning. Then he dug around until he found the tightest pair of black jeans that he could get on. Without anything underneath them, they fit right into the crack of his ass, which was being showcased by the jacket. Next he left off the t in favor of wearing a red button down that was silky on the outside, but with a bit of texture on the inside, the better to sensitize his nipples. Lastly, he put on his socks and boots before buttoning up the jeans.

If he could only see himself in a mirror. Ah, well. Off to find loverboy.

* * *

First place he went was the apartment that Xander had gotten for Anya. He wasn't there and from the feel of things, hadn't been for at least a few hours.

Next place he tried was the witches. They hadn't seen him today, nor did they have plans to. Just too busy, you understand. The growl that produced met with a curious look but not much else.

He wasn't sure of Xander having any friends, other than the slayer and crew. So, with mounting frustration, he headed to the watchers place.

He and Boffy were busy going at it in the danger room, as Xander called it. The poor bloke looked like he'd seen the wrong end of Sabertooth a few too many times. Her highness was still going at him, though. Like she couldn't see past the blonde on her head. Oh, well. Not his problem.

They both gave him different versions of the same impatient glare he'd gotten a million times before, when asked about Xander. Spike stormed out. He slammed the door so hard a crystal ball fell off the shelf.

"No, Xander hasn't been here. No, we don't know where he is. Oooh, watch me, Giles. Look at me being all perky and perfect while I threaten Spike with my wooden phallic symbol!" Spike mimed. "Bet she uses that thing for more than staking vamps. Airhead needs to find a new hobby."

Not watching where he was going, Spike continued to fume. This wasn't getting him any closer to...What was it he'd called himself? A nummy treat? Well, didn't get much chance to taste him. Can't wait to find him now.

With that, Spike took notice of his surroundings. He was about two blocks from the Bronze. Not a bad spot to think. He would have to steer clear of the onions if there were hopes of kissing, licking, nibbling, sucking...Anywho, just might think of where he is.

He turned the corner that would lead him to the alley behind the club.

At first, he just assumed it was because he had Xander and sex on the brain. That could be the only reason why he saw the object of his affections being pinned to the brick wall by some beefy stud. There's no other explanation for why the man before him was arching his back in a familiar way. Xander couldn't possibly be grinding his ass into the other man's crotch, while moaning in a way that left nothing to the imagination.

The roar of rage that echoed down the alley was nothing compared to the girly scream the big stud gave out when he got a look at the vampires gameface. Spike was cursing a blue streak by the time he reached his love. Xander stayed facing the wall with his head down on his crossed arms.

The man with the undoubtedly shriveled dick was beating a hasty retreat while he left his fucktoy to the monster.

"Go away, Spike." Xander spoke softly into his forearm.

"Xan...luv... I, I." Well, there really wasn't much more to say, now was there. He turned with what he hoped was at least the shreds of his dignity intact and walked away from the man he'd come to love.

Once he reached the end of the alleyway, he broke into a sprint, followed by a full run. He made it back to the crypt, grabbed a bottle of Stoli and the duster and headed for somewhere he could get blindingly drunk to wait for the sun.

The first place to come to mind was the patio outside Angel's mansion, so that's where he'd gone. He figured it would be secluded and it also faced the sunrise.

* * *

He was right on both accounts, but after drinking the entire bottle, he'd started to wonder if waiting for the sunrise would be the best way to go. Maybe he was losing his nerve or maybe he just wanted some dignity.

Dying in battle would be the best way. Maybe then, no one would know it was over some boy. Then again, isn't the purpose of suicide to make others miserable for what they'd done or didn't do?

This was all starting to get complicated before Mr. Clone had shown up. Might as well find out what the kook is yammering about. He'd started going on about "Oh poor me" some minutes ago. Spike was only catching phrases at this point.

* * *

"...fucker just ran. Left 'im there in that position when he knew I was there to eat 'em! Wanted to rip the man's puny dick off and feed it to 'imself, I did! Bloody stupid chip. Wish I'd 'ad more brains, though. Or more Stoli. If I'd just 'ad the guts to stay in the sun instead of running, I never would 'ave known. Now would I?"

The pain in CloneSpikes voice drew the real Spike out of his haze. "What happened, mate?" was asked quietly.

"Wasn't there, now was I? I was here. Drinkin' away my sorrows while...Xander...went to the crypt. He never saw them coming. Bunch of minions come to take me out. Thought I was an embarrassment. Could 'ave taken 'em on myself, but not him. Not alone and upset. It was all my fault, you see. So if you'd just get it over with, we won't have to spend the next 14 years looking for a way to end the curse put on us by the witches."

At Spikes derisive snort he continued. "When Buffy had to fight Xander herself, he taunted her with why he'd been turned. Seems he still smelled of us. They came around just before dawn and did it in our crypt. Figured, drive me to stake myself or walk into the sun."

"The girls had to go through his things to try and find him. Guess he kept a journal. Said some stuff in there 'bout why the ex-demon-bitch took up with soldier-boy. Appears he had a thing for me. Stupid really. All that time and he felt the same. She didn't take too well to it. Figured Captain America was too stiff to bend that way. Boy was she wrong! Not two years later, she comes stormin' back. She's lookin' for a spell 'cause she found 'im with half the men under him...ah...under him."

"Anyway, when the witches figured it out, they did some tracking spell to find me. Caught up to me in a motel 'bout five miles out of town. Hadn't had blood for more 'n a week. Figured the out best way to go. Starvation. It's slow and painful. Just what I deserved. They didn't want another one of 'the gang' on their conscience so they worked their mojo. Changed the chip so now it zaps me into unconsciousness if I try to off myself."

"Wait!" the not so drunk Spike yelled. The brain was starting to catch up. "Did the witches screw with your brains? It's only half past one! He's not dead yet. Fuck!"

* * *

As Spike ran with all the speed his demon would give, the older Spike turned to the man, his true love, standing in the doorway to the mansion.

"See love. Told you I would fall for it."

**Author's Note:**

> SaberShadowCat's annual birthday challenge.
> 
> {Spike is uber-depressed for some reason, and is contemplating suicide. Before he can complete the act, he is stopped by a Future Version of Himself who either a) tells him to go ahead, the future sucks, or b) don't do it, because the future rocks.
> 
> 1\. Future Spike can be from any period of time in the future, from a few days to a few millennia.
> 
> 2\. Future Spike describes how/why the future sucks/rocks.
> 
> 3\. Future Spike has a Future Significant Other(s) who shows up at some point in the story.}
> 
> * * *
> 
> Come find me at [Dark Side of Fixtion](http://darksideoffixtion.tumblr.com/).


End file.
